EGO

I have been told many times by many people that EGO stands for Edging God Out. I am really feeling that. After experiencing a kind of amazing awareness and opening of my heart and soul, I feel my ego stronger than ever trying to take over my thoughts and confuse me with fears. Today's CIM lesson is all about the fear that is caused by believing in a meaningless world. I am really feeling like this is a different world now. My perception of things has shifted. My ego is angry, it wants me to be mad at my husband and be scared of my Dad and yell at my daughter. Well, I am fighting back...with love. Love is what makes the ego go away, sure not completely but if Ego stands for Edging God Out than Love stands for Letting Our Vibrance Emit.

Reality

So, the Course in Miracles says that nothing is real. All I see around me is an illusion. That is a hard concept to grasp. I don't really want to believe that I guess because if I do, what will be left that is important? I know my family and my relationships, but are they real too? Go out and buy a copy of this amazing book and open your mind to the possibilities.

"Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the peace of God."
Jesus Christ, A Course In Miracles

Time

Having time to think, be, pray, listen and play is such a gift. Whenever I think I must not be where I am supposed to be, I get a bit of free time, like today, having a snow day. Time is an illusion. It seems pretty real to me. I guess I still have a lot to learn.

"Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us."
Marianne Williamson-A Return to love

Love and Fear. Love is the opposite of Fear. I have been living in fear for so long. I don't know how to live in love. that is why I am searching out the experts. I am trying to find the anwers to live my live in love and not in fear. So far, still fearful but also very hopeful that I will start to feel a shift in awareness and consciousness and start to really believe that "I am not upset for the reason I think."

Visit

I just got a visit from my guardian angel. I was sitting in my living room alone and I heard something near the Chrsitmas Tree. I realized it was one of the ornaments. Two ornaments clinged together and when I looked over I realized that it was an angel ornament that had moved. It stopped and everything was silent again. It was just a quick "Hello."

Meaningful vs. Meaningless

I am thinking about going back to work tomorrow and thinking about how it will be. For the most part I think it will be ok. I am giving meaning to those thoughts. So what happens if I take that meaning away? My thoughts about going back to work tomorrow after two lovely weeks off don't mean anything. Hmm, I guess I am not there yet. I know these first few exercises in ACIM are not meant to be long. My ego takes a beating if I try to say that my thoughts about work don't mean anything. What's the point? What's the use? Is there a point? Work is my life...or is it? Is my life's work just being here on this planet as a human? Is it my life's work to be striving for better understanding of spiritual experiences? Hmm, something to ponder.
None of my thoughts mean anything. Someone needs to tell that to my thoughts because they think they are very important!

Meaning

What is the meaning of life? That of course, is a loaded question. It is nothing I can answer, yet I can sit in stillness and wait for an answer. An answer may never come but sitting in stillness is worth it. Why am I so afraid? I don't know. The thing that shook my world so dramatically happened fifteen years ago. But before that I was still afraid. I used to want to sleep with the light on, I hated my basment and was terrified of being alone at night. When did this start and how did I let it go on like this? I guess I can understand being scared after my brother,
Andy's death. I was 19 and wasn't used to the thought of death and a 16 year-old is not supposed to die. I hadn't even had a grandparent or my dog die before then. It was terrifying. It was wrong, I was angry. How could God let this happen? 15 years later, I am actively searching and striving for meaning in my life and wanting a spiritual awakening to occur in my life. I want to have a spiritual connection with God. I forgive God now. I forgive myself. No one could do anything to help him. It just was and is not for me to understand. So maybe it is not for me to understand what the meaning of my life is either except for being a loving, servant of God who is kind and good to others and looks out for animals and tries to make a softer imprint on our earth in the future. The work I do is what God wants me to do and if I change jobs a few hundred more times, each one of them will be part of my journey and all part of God's plan for me, and will have meaning through the people I encounter and the people I care about.